


Green

by Everydayishark



Series: Rainbow of Death [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hyunwoo disappears, M/M, Marriage, POV First Person, That's it, that's the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-21 01:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10675053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everydayishark/pseuds/Everydayishark
Summary: It was somewhere in the middle of July. It was hot—I remember because our windows were open and the smell of freshly mown grass drifted into the house.Ourhouse.But you were gone.





	Green

I wasn’t even angry—neither were you, not really. I think both of us just wanted an excuse to empty our souls and cry our hearts out that night. To say the things that had been unsaid for too long. We wanted to hurt; ourselves, more than each other. To tear down the carefully constructed walls around our lives. To break down what was beyond repair.

It was somewhere in the middle of July. It was hot—I remember because our windows were open and the smell of freshly mown grass drifted into the house. I always loved that smell. You’d laugh at me when I would let myself fall, arms spread wide onto the soft carpet of green. The longer stems would brush against my cheeks, tickling my skin as you let yourself fall on top of me, laughing loudly.

I always loved that smell. It reminded me of home. It reminded me of you.

_Now it reminds me of what could’ve been._

_(I get up to close the window.)_

Maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe I should’ve seen the cracks. (And maybe I did. Maybe I just didn’t want to see them)

Maybe it would’ve hurt less. Probably not.

\--

And then you left.

Just like that.

It was somewhere in the middle of July. It was hot—I remember because our windows were open and the smell of freshly mown grass drifted into the house. _Our_ house.

All your stuff was still there. Your clothes, your books, your movies. That stupid bear-shaped lamp you got from some yard sale a few years back. Your swim trophies, your suit case. The watch you always took off before bed was still on the nightstand. (Ticking on, mockingly, as if nothing had happened)

Your wedding ring, on the kitchen table.

But you were gone.

No note, no message. Nothing.

We fought a lot, over trivial stuff, the last years. Who would eat the last piece of toast (you). Who would do the dishes (me). What TV show we would watch (we couldn’t agree, so we always ended up watching re-runs of whatever daytime show was on that day).

I didn’t think much of it. I loved you, whether or not you put your socks into the laundry basket.

I loved you, whether or not you forgot to call you had to work late and I waited up for you with dinner.

I loved you, and I married you, in spite of everything my friends said (we were just too different, they said. Maybe they were right, in the end).

And I would do it all over again. I would love you, marry you, and lose you all over again.

_(Because no matter how many times I replay it in my head, it always ends the same)_

_(No matter how many times I dream of you, you still won’t come back)_

I don’t blame you. We were both at fault. We pushed on even when the cracks appeared. We pushed on even though it was wrong.

We thought our differences would just complement each other. And they did. Sometimes. (other times, you kept me down, and I overshadowed you.)

Still, we had our good times. We laughed, and we cried together. We cooked each other dinner. We had moonlit adventures. We travelled to the most amazing places.

We lay together in the grass. Hands clasped tight on our emerald canopy. You were my anchor.

But now you are gone.

_(And I am drowning in a sea of green)_

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry I was in an angsty mood so here is some very vague not-really-showhyuk.
> 
> ALSO THIS IS MY 50TH MX FIC  
> it was supposed to be happy :<
> 
> Come yell at me on Twitter @Everydayishark


End file.
